Dae Gamba-Issacs

Even though it's been four days since New Years Eve, I still haven't managed to bounce back from all the fun I had. I was up until five in the morning, sipping champaign and celebrating the coming of 2010 with my friends and family, wondering what the new year would bring. Oddly enough, numbers kept flashing through my mind as I sat there with those most important to me. Four, nine, twelve, seventeen and finally, eighteen. Then I realized that I was dreaming and my family and friends were back home in New Jersey, celebrating without me, as they have every year since I was in college. Eighteen was a very real number and a new personal record for me, which I'm not proud of.

Eighteen is the number of DUI's I gave to idiot drunk drivers coming home from New Years Eve parties. Don't drink and drive, it's as simple as that. Even if you're just a little, teeny tiny bit unsteady behind the wheel, you can cause some serious harm to innocent people and that, above all us, really pisses me off. I've seen what can happen when a drunk idiot crashes into a minivan with a baby inside, so stay off the fucking road if you've been drinking. I get that you're just having fun and you're not really that drunk and pffft, legal limits don't mean anything. Yeah, they do mean something, and when people ignore them, other people can die. Eighteen is a sickening number, especially when there were seven other squad cars patrolling Nearside alone.

I'm not saying you have to give up drinking, as God Almighty knows I drink, too, but please use your common sense. If you know you'll be drinking at a party and you know you need to get home that night, then call a cab. Twenty bucks is cheaper than paying off a DUI.

Also, another warning is to not run, as I can guarantee my car is faster than yours and having me chase your ass down will just make me even more pissed.


( To Key )

She wants to party
she wants to get down
all she wants to is
all she wants to do is dance
( and make romance )

P&P could make a fortune if they home delivered books to costumers, especially when their customers live less than a block away. I know for a fact that they'd make at least forty dollars off of me if they'd actually deliver, but unfortunately, they don't. Since they don't, I still need reading material and I can't get out of bed. I suppose I could physically get out of bed and walk the block to P&P but I don't want to since my bed is so nice and comfy.

I need books, though. I'm sick and I don't want to leave my apartment. If I was forced into leaving my apartment for new reading material, I promise that I'll get every one of you ill whether I mean to or not. Now, if one of you happened to be a brave soul and was willing to risk infection (don't worry, it's not the pig flew), I would reward you handsomely to the tune of $80. All you have to do is bring a few biographies (no extreme conservatives, please) to my apartment and leave it by the door. Upon receiving the books, I'll pay you. If you try to rip me off, I'll shoot you.

Deal?

Here's a little advice for the residents of Nearside, Pennsylvania to take to heart: don't speed, especially when I'm on duty. If you do speed and I catch you then please, for the love of GOD, don't beg me to let you off. I cannot stand begging from anyone, let alone grown men who happen to make their living off of driving. You'd think if you've driven for x amount of years, you'd know what was expected of you. There's a sign on the road with a number posted under it with the heading "Speed Limit" and I know you may think it's a suggestion, but trust me when I tell you that it's not. Cops tend to take those little signs seriously and we have no problem pulling over people going over 20 miles OVER that posted number. I don't care if you're 16 and this is your first ticket or you're 110 and this ticket is ruining your perfect driving record. The law is the law and begging won't do you any good.

On that note, BRIBING also doesn't work. Contrary to popular belief, not all cops love the delicious aroma of fresh donuts from Krispy Kreme (I'm more of a Dunkin' Donuts bagel kind of girl, myself) and will not be tempted with a box of them waved under their nose. I also cannot be bribed with money, though if someone offers me a house, we'll talk.

HOWEVER, I can be tempted with a marriage proposal, which is what happened today. Yes, technically I'm married, but having other options never hurt anyone. What was especially tempting was this particular gentleman's large gut, his balding head, his shifty eyes, and....his little baggy of white powder hidden unsuccessfully under a sweatshirt on the passenger side floorboard. Marriage to this man would be fun, plus I'd get to practice my fierce police skills.

So, yes. As a caution to everyone, please just take your ticket and shut up.